Good day to you all! This is my very first post of 2019! Yayyy! I have some exciting news, that I can not wait to share! I have finally decided to commit to facing my fears one goal at a time!
I am so proud to announce that today is my 30 day milestone of being Smoke-free! So many things have changed with my body mentally, spiritually, and physically! This has been an absolutely extraordinary journey for me.
A few things I noticed about myself immediately is:
Skin – My skin became so much clearer. Having eczema I was constantly using skin cream to keep my breakouts at bay. Once I tossed the habit for good I recognized the difference.
Time – OMG! I have so much time on my hands, I have to think of things to do to keep my mind off smoking. I definitely have to keep myself occupied because it is an everyday struggle.
Energy – This was a drag at first. It was times I did not want to even get out the bed. As I tackled one day at a time, things became a bit easier. Now, my day starts early in the morning about 5-6 a.m.
Eating – I think about food so much now. I am not a breakfast eater but I have to eat something. My meals are a little heavier it seems so I have to be careful and stick to the gym!
Patience – I have none! I can be very short with my husband and kids. That is something I also need to work on. Sometimes I feel like my husband do stupid shit on purpose, just to get a reaction out of me. That is a whole story! He has stopped smoking as well and has different ways of coping which is the complete opposite.
I work very hard everyday not to smoke. I really don’t miss smoking at all. I believe it is only a mind thing. Although, I can say from experience that it’s easier said than done! Remember never give up on yourself, no matter how hard things may seem! What your perception is, may not be your actual reality.
Please stay tuned! I will also be posting my next goal soon: Going Back to school!
This is my favorite time of year! However, there are a few things I could do without.
5. Hiding gifts from the kids OMG!!!
I swear no matter no matter how good I think I am with putting gifts in secret places, my kids suddenly become Inspector Gadgets and sniff out all my hiding spots.
4. My Husband
When did he turn in Nat King Cole? My honey keep singing Christmas songs, playing games, and baking cookies and shit. All I keep thinking is, “Where the hell is this man the other 364 days of the year”? I promise if he buys a Christmas sweater I’m going to scream!
3. Christmas Eve
The kids won’t sleep, hubby keeps singing, and I still have gifts to wrap.
2. 5 o’clock who
Who said it was a rule that everyone in the house had to wake up so damn early. Why cant they sleep until noon?
1. I forgot the batteries
You would think of all the expensive shit I just bought, the least I could have done was buy batteries for all these damn toys. Now, the kids are mad because everything Santa got did not come with batteries.
These are just a few of the things I love to hate about Christmas. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. The laughter and smiles I see on my family’s face is priceless.
Why do we always settle when we know we are worth so much more? Could it be that we have been treated as less than for way too long, that we do not appreciate our own true value? Maybe its a past relationship that has mind fucked us into believing that being second best is better than being last. Maybe its because we always put our relationships and children first leaving very little for us.
I just have one question for you to answer. Do you enjoy being devalued?
I say hell no, fuck that! I want to be treated with the same respect and purpose that you do. I say give me the same raise you gave small dick Fred in accounting! Just because I wont let you rub my thigh on a business lunch doesn’t mean I do not deserve the promotion I earned.
Okay, maybe I had a long day at work or even a long work week, and seem to be irritable at times. That don’t mean you have to run to the first piece of ass…..talking about I ain’t giving you any attention. The fact is, I’m here taking care of our kids, cooking our meals, and washing your dirty ass clothes! Hell, if your lucky I might give you a little nookie, if you act right for once.
Ladies this is a call to arms. It is time for us to stand up for ourselves and let our voices be heard. “I am woman here me roar”!!! It’s time that we start putting ourselves first. We shouldn’t have to take a back seat to anyone anymore. IT IS OK!!! At some point, you have to draw the line when you constantly sacrifice your happiness or your self-worth by pleasing others. You can still be a good mother, lover, and have a great career. We CAN have it all! So take it without any regrets!
I recently had a reality check the other day. I asked my eldest son would he fight for me. Do you know what he said? “Well mom, you have lived half of your life already”. Really! Are you kidding me!? Geeesshh……
I immediately started to evaluate myself and analyze my past to figure out if in any way could I have enabled this thought process.
Growing up in an urban city, surrounded by gangs, violence, and drugs, I developed a natural instinct to protect my mother. I knew once I was able to have children of my own, I wanted better for them. Of course, we all do.
So when I became an adult and starting having children, I decided to move across town. We picked a location with clean parks, good schools, and quiet neighborhoods. It was very hard for me to adjust at first, but my daughter did not miss a beat which confirmed my decision.
With that being said, my children (I now have 4) has never experienced the same things my husband and I went through growing up. A bad day for them may have been standing in the corner with books, or writing sentences. I am sure they have stories for days about how creative I am with how I discipline. You gotta keep it fresh, ya know! Once a child gets use to the same thing over and over they will get bored and it would become standard like everything else. Oh, and yes….I do whip ass if I have to!
Overall, it was just a question I was curious to know the answer to, which brought other things to the surface. I would never question the love my children have for me or put to test any type of theory to contest their love because I’m sure it is unconditional.
Have you ever lost a loved one or a friend and you did not get a chance to say goodbye?
The impact of emotions is so significantly hurtful, sometimes nothing else matters around you. You feel so deeply wounded, there are no man made creations on earth designed to help heal the scars left behind.
Being here on earth without the ones you hold so near and dear, there are constant triggers that remind you of the experiences you once shared and then realized how much eternal damage still remains.
You may ask yourself, “what would I say”? “Do you miss me, or do you still love me”? Perhaps even, “do you still think about me”?
Just bearing the thought, and even writing this post thinking about saying goodbye gives me a burst sorrowful feelings beyond my expression.
Is it selfish of me, not to be willing to accept this destination? Is this the final resting place?
Their lives are a fossil of special moments embedded deep within my heart to enjoy what I have left. Stories that I can tell my children and answer any questions they have of someone they once knew or never met. I will take you with me to live in my heart forevermore.